After seeing a few photos of fake Marines recently, an 0351 friend and I bounced ideas off of each other for the details behind the awards some of these wonderful people choose to wear. You see, some of the ribbons they put on are for campaigns that took place before they were born, such as World War II. I guess when you’re trying to build a stack the size of one of your manboobs, you need some filler, and that ancient campaign ribbon looks great next to your Army EOD badge and SEAL trident (no, seriously, go look at it).
Not to mention that the one guy is wearing his fourrag¨re completely wrong, or that his gig line is comically bad, and the other guy has three Purple Hearts side by side, and on and on… I wonder if his Purple Heart “citations” read like this guy’s?
Anyway, here are some of the awards and citations we came up with. I would suggest that posers use some of these, for it would really make the whole thing a lot more fun.
– Dual Congressional Medals of Honor from the Spanish-American War
– A citation for valor while serving in a SOAD unit during the American Revolution
– Letter of commendation from George Washington for the French and Indian Wars
– Silver Star for providing important aerial surveillance photographs from a U2 during the 3rd Crusade
– Legion of Merit for providing logistical assistance to the Huns as they marched on Rome
– Legion of Merit for leading the first “Out of Africa” migration
– Page 11 for eating the apple in the Garden of Eden
– Navy Cross for being the first sea creature to walk on land
Any other ideas?
Edit: Some good satire here.
Bronze Star for operations behind enemy lines in a Vietnamese Restaurant in downtown St. Paul MN.
Global War on Terrorism Service Medal for the Fobbit who destroyed the ring of power?
Dutch Medal of Valor for surviving the Schuykill Expressway on the Philly Commute for 5 consecutive years without hitting someone?
Crossed Silver(plate) Sporks of cast iron for sampling all potato salads at the family reuinion without getting salmonella?
Golden Rubber Glove for 6 months of TSA service?
Forgot to add:
Platinum Carpal Tunnel Brace of Destiny for single-handedly finding and blocking an enemy respawn point on COD-MW3.
German Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross for valour in combat against the Romans at Teutoburg Forest, 9 AD?
Distinguished Service Cross for heroic actions during the Battle of Endor?
Or perhaps the Intelligence Star for operations against SPECTRE during the 1960s?
Tech badge for having successfully maintained internet connection for a LAN party on a FOB for longer than 20 minutes. Also, thanks for the ping on the Duffle Blog, please feel free to visit for more satire by myself and other service members.
Great site, Tony. I was trying to tag you guys on Facebook but was unsuccessful. I definitely think I’ll be linking to you guys in the future.
Time Paradox Badge – killin’ Nazis back in ‘Nam.
While on this topic, I had a former boss who got exposed and had to resign. I wish I could say more but seeing as this is a public forum and there’s been all this news about companies terminating workers for, “slander,” you get the idea. I will say it did make the news though…
An international phenomenon – http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Walts
Some of the specimens are quite unique…
Man, I had no idea this stuff went on. I even had second thoughts about wearing a hat made by GORUCK since they use the reversed American Flag worn by service members. Ultimately, I wear the hat without the patch.
As the son of a real vet, I hope ya’ll keep humiliating the pretenders.